Dear Love,
When most people hear the word plan, they naturally think about something that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Plans are meant to be followed. Plans are something we check off as we go. Birth doesn't work that way.
Birth is beautifully unpredictable. You can prepare for it. You can educate yourself. You can make thoughtful decisions. But there will always be parts of birth that unfold in ways none of us can anticipate.
Often when things don't go to plan, one might feel as if they failed. I offer a different shift and invite families to think about a birth intention.
It may sound like a small shift in language, but I believe it changes everything. An intention isn't about controlling the outcome. It's about identifying what matters most to you.
Maybe your intention is to feel informed before making decisions. Maybe it's to feel calm. Maybe it's to have your partner closely involved. Maybe it's to move freely during labor whenever it's safe to do so. Maybe your intention is simply to welcome your baby into the world surrounded by love. Those intentions can stay with you, even if your birth takes an unexpected turn.
I've attended births that unfolded exactly the way a family imagined. I've also attended births that changed course in a matter of minutes. What I've learned is that the families who tend to leave birth feeling most at peace aren't necessarily the ones whose births went according to plan. They're the ones who felt informed, respected, and included throughout the process.
That's why I encourage families to spend less time creating the perfect checklist and more time thinking about questions like these:
- How do I want to be spoken to during labor?
- When decisions come up, do I want every option explained before we move forward?
- Who do I want in the room?
- What helps me feel safe?
- How do I typically respond to stress?
- How does my partner best support me?
Those answers tell us much more than whether you'd prefer dim lights or a specific playlist.
Another thing I'd encourage you to think about is communication. Birth intentions aren't only for you. They're also for the people supporting you. Your provider. Your nurses. Your partner. Your doula. When everyone understands what's most important to you, they're better equipped to support you, even if circumstances change.
For example, maybe your original hope was an unmedicated birth, but labor takes an unexpected turn and you decide an epidural is the right choice. Did your birth fail? Absolutely not. Your intention may have never been about avoiding medication. Maybe your intention was to make informed decisions, trust your body, and remain an active participant in your birth. You still accomplished that.
That's why I encourage families to leave room for flexibility. Flexibility isn't giving up. It's recognizing that birth is a partnership between preparation and the unknown.
Your birth intention doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be beautifully designed. It doesn't have to fit on one page. In fact, some of the most meaningful birth intentions I've seen have been incredibly simple.
- "I want to feel supported."
- "I want my partner involved."
- "I want to understand what's happening."
- "I want to meet my baby with love."
That's enough. Because birth isn't a performance. There isn't a grade at the end. No one is handing out awards for the "best" birth plan. What matters is that you feel seen, heard, and supported throughout the experience.
So if you're wondering whether you need a birth plan, my answer is this: You don't need a perfect plan. You need thoughtful preparation. You need people who respect your voice. And you need the flexibility to trust yourself when birth asks you to pivot. I think that's far more valuable than any template you'll find online.
Sending you tons of light and love.
With Gratitude,Charisse