Dear Love,
Advocacy means understanding what's happening so you can make informed decisions about your own body and your baby. It's about being part of the conversation.
One of the biggest misconceptions I see is that advocacy has to be loud. Sometimes advocacy sounds like, "I'd like a few minutes to think about that." Sometimes it sounds like, "Can you explain why you're recommending this?" Sometimes it's simply asking another question before saying yes. Those moments matter.
One of the most valuable things you can learn before labor is the idea of informed consent. You'll hear me talk about this often because I believe it's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself before birth. Informed consent means that before you agree to a medication, procedure, or intervention, you understand what it is, why it's being recommended, what the benefits are, and what the possible risks might be. It also means you have an opportunity to ask questions.
For example, imagine someone walks into your room and says, "We'd like to check your cervix." Instead of feeling like something is simply happening to you, informed consent creates space for a conversation. You might ask: "What does that involve?" "Why are we checking now?" "What information will this give us?" "Is there another option?" Those aren't difficult questions. They're thoughtful ones.
Another tool I love teaching families is an acronym called BRAIN. I encourage families to write it down, keep it in their birth bag, and let their partner know what it means too. Whenever a decision comes up, walk through these five questions together.
- BBenefits. What are the benefits of this recommendation? How could it help me or my baby?
- RRisks. What are the possible risks or side effects? Every intervention has benefits and potential downsides. Understanding both helps you make an informed choice.
- AAlternatives. Are there other options available? Knowing your options allows you to choose the one that feels most aligned with your situation.
- IIntuition. What is your intuition telling you? This doesn't replace medical advice, but your instincts matter. Take a breath. Pause. Listen to yourself.
- NNothing. What happens if we do nothing right now? Can we safely wait? Do we have time?
I also want to say something that doesn't get talked about enough. You don't have to remember all of this while you're having contractions. That's one of the reasons we prepare before birth. It's one of the reasons I encourage partners to learn these tools too. It's one of the reasons many families choose to have a doula. When you're focused on labor, your support team can help hold space for these conversations.
Advocacy doesn't end with saying yes or no. Advocacy is also letting your care team know what helps you feel safe. Maybe you'd like procedures explained before they happen. Maybe you'd like your partner included in conversations. Maybe you'd like a few quiet moments before making a decision. Those preferences matter. Your care team wants to care for you, not just your labor.
Advocacy also isn't about controlling birth. It's about participating in it. It's about asking questions when questions are appropriate. It's about understanding your options. It's about surrounding yourself with people who respect your voice. Most of all, it's about remembering that this is your birth. You deserve to feel informed. You deserve to feel heard. And you deserve to be treated as an active participant in one of the most important days of your life.
I hope this helps you navigate, and if you have any questions, send me a note: hello@deardoula.love.
Sending you tons of light and love!
With Gratitude,Charisse